It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
