I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
