Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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