and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
