Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
