im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
