he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
