I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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