we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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