I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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