Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
