I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
