Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
