Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
