He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
