Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
