she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
