ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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