the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
me + whiskey = a bad person
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
