My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
