That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
