the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
