Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he puts the penis in happiness.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
