god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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