I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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