I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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