i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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