community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
