just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
