I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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