i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hippo gnu deer
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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