i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
