I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
soo... how was my night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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