one two three fourrrrnication!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
