She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
