the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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