I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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