I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
