How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You made out with two different species that night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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