Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
