I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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