hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
