it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
