Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
