get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dear god my vagina.
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