Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
