Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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