YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
