The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
