haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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